A Change Is Gonna Come.

The act of regularly opening yourself up in full view of an army of strangers is choosing to be exposed; to consent to have one’s unprotected innards trespassed upon and rooted through. This vulnerability comes at a great personal price, one that is never really ever repaid. The writer is always in the red.” — John Pavlovitz

This quote comes from a great piece titled: Thank You For Bleeding: A Love Letter To Writers

For the past six months or so (maybe probably longer) I’ve really struggled with what to do with this space. This question has been banging about as so much has changed for me since I started writing here, nearly four years ago. Having recently transformed the space around me, I realized that in a sense, doing so, has transformed me personally. Or vice versa. What came first, the chicken, or the egg… it appears the jury is still out on that one.

Originally, when I started blogging in 2008 (anonymously and in a different space) I wrote about the trials and tribulations (and the fun!) of raising a large family. But then that family grew up (and really deserved their privacy in the process) and thus that blog evolved into this one, a space about the trials and tribulations (and the fun) of me growing up.

The main challenge in this has always been that my life is not a one woman show. Thankfully. And I’m very protective of the supporting cast. Which means that whenever I’ve written about my family and I’ve put it out there…well, there’s always been a bit of ickiness associated with doing so. The line with what feels right and what feels wrong has always been a bit too thin for my liking. I’m fine with being judged. I’m even fine with a certain lack of privacy. But I’m not fine with the people I love most in the world not having theirs— and it being my fault.

Secondly, not only have I evolved… so has the audience. I see the search terms. The shift is in part due to the fact that when I started writing here I hadn’t yet published works of fiction—works which may or may not be congruent with my personal life— and/or the things I write about in this space. The two, at least for me, (fic and non-fic, real life and make believe) are very different animals— and it can be dangerous when those lines become blurred. It can also make it a tad bit difficult to be brave and truthful in your storytelling. Which is one reason I love writing fiction so much. There are fewer people to protect when sharing your brand of crazy. For the most part, it isn’t personal.

And the truth of the matter is that writing fiction (messy, messy fiction;) has always been the path I’ve intended to take. I like making things up. Which means that I need to be a little more careful about the (non-fic) stories I tell (on the interwebs) and whom I tell them about. It’s time I separate the two to a degree.

As for what that means for this space… I don’t yet know.

I only know that a change is coming… and that I’m beyond grateful for the lessons I’ve learned, for the ability to share those lessons, and for the changes that doing so has brought.

After Winter, Spring.

“I want to do with you what spring does with cherry trees.” ― Pablo Neruda

 

I’m not going to say that a lot of the bad poetry I’ve been sharing here is going to end up in a certain book…

But I’m not going to say it isn’t either. ;)

Below, the latest…

 

After Winter, Spring. 

 

We’re opening the windows,

And the doors of our lives again.

Too long closed—

To keep out the cold.

We shake the dust off and out,

Erase what winter left behind.

Finally, the sun is shining.

And the birds sing once more.

A time for renewal—

I’m certain this is what happiness feels like.

How much better can it get? 

I don’t know…

But lest not forget—

Summer is headed our way, too.

Maybe, it is as they say…

The best is yet to come.

And I wonder…

How ever did we get so lucky?

Not just to have found each other—

But to have survived another winter,

together.

And Then There Was A Trailer…

“Chance favors the connected mind.” ~ Steven Johnson

If you follow me over on FB, you may have seen this post…

Have you ever worked with someone on something and found that person to be so amazing that you felt it was divine intervention (or kismet) that the two of met?!? THAT is exactly how I feel right now and I can’t wait to share what’s coming. P.S. Sorry…I myself kind of hate stay tuned type posts and I’m in no way trying to do that- I was more or less just saying how grateful I am to have found exactly the right, talented person. Kismet or divine intervention or whatever…well, it rocks. 

I was speaking of Lisa of Pixel Pixie Designs. I was introduced to Lisa via an email I received from Goodreads which featured several posts from an author chat in their forums. I had a very specific idea in mind of what I wanted in a book trailer for Bedrock…I just wasn’t sure how to implement it…so I sort of gave up on having one done. Then came Lisa. :) Immediately after writing her and receiving her response I knew I wanted to work with her. And she proved to be every bit as amazing as I thought she would be. Normally, I don’t read these emails so it’s pretty awesome that I did that day.

Anyway, check it out…

P.S. This video contains mature adult content and is NSFW or children.

What’s It About? The Truth: Sometimes it comes with a warning label…

“If you expect to succeed as a writer, rudeness should be the second-to-least of your concerns. The least of all should be polite society and what it expects. If you intend to write as truthfully as you can, your days as a member of polite society are numbered, anyway.” – Stephen King

It’s amusing that I’m writing this on April Fool’s Day. It’s not a joke. Promise.

Today I’m breathing (a little) sigh of relief. Yesterday evening, I hit the send button and off the editor my novel went. I DID IT! I WROTE A NOVEL!

It wasn’t easy, there were many times I’ve questioned (and still question) just what in the hell I’m thinking. There have been times I’ve felt like an actor portrayed in an action film, dodging bullets left and right; yet who somehow still manages to come out alive. And wearing a smile nonetheless. I realize that we all feel like that from time to time in life. But I’m writing this because I want to encourage you, no matter what it is you’re working towards, to keep going when the going gets tough. Keep going on the days or weeks (or months) when it seems that everything is conspiring against you and every shitstorm that appears is a sign you should just give up. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other. And eventually you’ll get there. It’s inevitable. I’m telling you this because for me each time an obstacle presented itself, I saw it as a sign. When something unexpected occurred, as it always does (two back to back car accidents, lots of sick kids, the deaths of two of the most important people in my life) I’d say to myself: Maybe this isn’t right. Here’s your chance to quit. Come on, there’s nothing wrong with quitting. And….ah, hell you’re not quitting…you’re just changing direction. But somehow I kept at it, knowing that I’d set out to do this…I set out to write this novel and by god I was going to do it.

Somewhere along the way though I realized that it was about more than just setting out to do something and doing it. It was about realizing a dream. It was about falling down and getting back up. It was about learning and not being afraid of all there was to learn. My god, there was so much to learn. But most importantly, it’s about opening up and allowing myself to be vulnerable. It’s about laying it out there and being able to say take it or leave it. Like it or don’t. Judge me…tell me what you think. It was about taking feedback and accepting criticism. It’s about saying this is me (partially anyway) and this is what’s in my head. These are the things I think about. These are the questions I ask myself. And when I say this, I’m not referring to characters in the book; I’m referring to who I am as a writer.

That said, one of the questions I’ve been asked often has been: what’s your novel about? And to be honest, I’ve struggled a little bit with how to answer that. I’m not sure exactly why… but for some reason (I think) people have assumed that I was writing humor or non-fiction. Or that I was writing about life as a mother of five. So to then say to these people that what I’m writing (is FICTION) and it’s sometimes dark and is laced with a little profanity has been interesting to say the least. I think it’s funny when I hear authors say, “my books target market is…anyone who loves to read.” Because I will tell you right now…my novel isn’t for just anyone. Due to heavy subject matter and sexual content it’s recommended for mature readers. It’s not for those offended by profanity and/or sexual content. Part suspense, part thriller, it’s about surviving and thriving in spite of the odds. But over all, deep down at its core…it’s a story about love.

So…. without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to my first novel entitled, Bedrock.

Bedrock is a love story designed to showcase how the choices we make ultimately shape our lives. It serves as a reminder that in the end what defines us is not the big events, the monumental occasions. It’s the tiny, seemingly inconsequential moments in between. It’s proof that time passes and we cannot, no matter how hard we try, get it back. Bedrock is a story of love and grief that pretty much sums up the context of the human experience.

When Addison Greyer, a happily married mother of three, decides to re-enter the workforce, she never once considers that taking a job might unravel everything she thinks to be true about her life—that it would cause her to look deep within and confront fears she didn’t know existed. She couldn’t have foreseen how a chance meeting or a single day can change the course of an entire lifetime.

Like many women, Addison is defined in terms of marriage and motherhood, until she suddenly finds her life turned upside down by her husband’s decision to take a job thousands of miles away. When her tough-as-nails boss offers her an opportunity she can’t refuse, Addie is forced to make difficult choices. Those choices take her further and further out of the carefully crafted fairytale life she has created and lead her into an unknown world where things are anything but black and white: a world where she learns that desire is not only dangerous but deadly. In this world, all bets are off as she is forced to finally confront her past. As her past and present collide, she has to make decisions that for most are unthinkable, decisions that can tear her family apart, and perhaps even have fatal consequences.
P.S. Thank you for reading here…and as always for your support.