Tag Archives: contentment

What She Said.

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“Critics are sentinels in the grand army of letters, stationed at the corners of newspapers and reviews, to challenge every new author.” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow 

I’ve been meaning to post these reviews of Bedrock for a while now. In the interest of full disclosure, I have been a little hesitant because they’re reviews by my beta readers and to be openly honest and transparent… my beta reviewers are all people who are close to me in some way. That said, because of this I was afraid that they would all say that they loved it –even if they didn’t. Any writer knows this is not what you want when dealing with beta readers and critique. Thankfully, a few of them loved it as it was and made minor suggestions here and there. But even better a few of them challenged me beyond what I expected. I’m going to share a few of the reviews here including one from a blogger who is not particularly close to me. Even though she ultimately decided not to review my book via her blog or give it away to her audience, I loved her email SO much it nearly brought me to tears. Because here’s the thing: God bless bloggers. God bless those willing to take the time to read and/or review my book(s).

I understand that not everyone is going to love what I write. And (for the most part, I am human after all) I’m ok with this. In this business you have to be. :) I respect that everyone has a right to their opinion and I’m just grateful that they would take the time to read my novel. As an avid reader myself, there have been books that I’ve read that didn’t particularly resonate with me at the time I read them. However, if they’d come at a different time, say six months earlier or six months later, then perhaps it would’ve been a different story. Pun intended. :) That’s just the nature of being a reader and/or a writer. It’s all subjective.

The other day as I was trying to get some writing done I decided that my house was too lonely and quiet (it’s amazing how with five children you become accustomed and even dependent on the noise) so I flipped on the TV for background noise and an old SATC episode was on. It was Carrie’s book launch party (great timing!) and the premise of the episode was Carrie being reviewed in the NYT and thus was asking “When it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?” It must have been fate that I caught this episode (I rarely watch TV these days) because I realized that I was doing exactly that. One nasty review (by a stranger) and I’m upset for an entire day. But give me half a dozen good ones by people I love and suddenly they don’t “weigh” as much?!? Why? Because the people writing them happen to love –or at the very least like me? I called bullshit on that and quick. Which led me to finally get off my rear and share them here. :)

Check out the awesome email I received by the blogger that made my day. I redacted her name to protect her privacy/because I wasn’t given permission.

Hey there!

I just finished your book – it was a quick read! I have to be honest and say that while it was fun, it was a little “50 Shades” for me. I’m not a fan of that style and have published several rants about 50 Shades so I don’t think I’d be the right person to review or giveaway your book. 
I’m sure you’ll be hugely successful with it, and get tons of rave reviews! 

Best,

Name redacted.

SERIOUSLY, SHE COMPARED BEDROCK TO FIFTY SHADES OF GREY! THAT is a GINORMOUS compliment to me and HERE IS WHY!!

“Begged for more!! Eagerly awaited each chapter to arrive in my inbox. Such a great read… Can not wait for book #2!!” – Monica Roberts

“Very steamy! Can’t wait to get to work tomorrow so I can print chapters 10 & 11. I’m ready for the next chapter. What’s taking so long?!?” – Denise

“I was disappointed that there wasn’t a new chapter waiting for me this morning. When I’m done with this I’m probably going to have to pay you to write books just for me.” - Monica Roberts

“Ummm…I just finished reading Bedrock and I felt like the story was just starting. Are you writing book 2 yet?!?! Great book!”- Jordan Pierce

“Started reading Bedrock yesterday…I’m liking it. It’s dark…” - Polly Lockman

Anyhow, bad reviews or good, the book is coming out. It’s written. What’s done is done. It’s either hit or miss. So from here… I just have to keep my head down and do what writers do. Write and improve. Oh and by the way, I heart what Fiona says.

“But I honestly don’t read critics. My dad reads absolutely everything ever written about me. He calls me up to read ecstatic reviews, but I always insist that I can’t hear them. If you give value to the good reviews, you have to give value to the criticism.” - Fiona Apple 

Know Your Worth.

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“Don’t you dare, for one more second, surround yourself with people who are not aware of the greatness that you are.” ~Jo Blackwell-Preston

I swear when you have kids no one EVER tells you that you won’t sleep for a veryveryveryvery long time. What they tell you instead is that the first three months suck and then it gets better. I don’t know exactly just who “they” are but “they” are LIARS! Of course, I say that with all due respect. Perhaps, maybe “those people” are just blessed with magical children, who love sleep. For that alone, I hate them. Even at 7 and with the twins who are 3, I am still consistently woken up several times a week in the middle of the night. It may be a bad dream, a bloody nose, a bathroom trip, leg cramps or “I just want Mama!” but I swear I have three of the worst sleepers EVER. That said, this isn’t what this post is about at all. You see? I’m SO tired, I can’t even think straight! Actually, for once it was not my kids who woke me up this morning in the wee hours, at 3:48 AM. It was someone else. And she inspired this post. So at least some good came from it. Right?!?

My neighbors down the street (three houses down to be exact) consist of a couple of guys about my age (brothers, I think) who own a few bars down on 6th street. While they may be my age, their profession (and who knows what else) puts them about a decade behind the times. Truly confirming the saying “that age is just a number.” Hmmm. This sounds rather “judgy” huh? Totally not my intention. Sometimes, I’m even jealous that we’re both up at 4AM, for very different reasons. Anyway, long story short, there are a lot of comings and goings at their house. Of the female variety. Well….last night they must have upset the wrong female because at exactly 3:48 this morning she had a nervous breakdown of epic proportions outside of their house. For all of the neighborhood to see. At first, I thought something really bad had happened. There was screaming, pounding, wailing. And lots and lots of profanity. It was really quite the show.

That poor girl. Had she not likely been under the influence, it not been 3:48AM, and had I more energy, I would liked to have gone out and told her “Honey, NO man is worth this.” I know break ups are hard and it brought me back to a time where I too *may* have acted this way over a boy. Only I wasn’t drunk and it wasn’t 3:48 in the morning. Which in a lot of ways probably makes it worse. :)

While I can attest to the fact that love can make one temporarily insane (so can sleep deprivation, by the way!) I think it’s so important (especially as women) that we know our worth. It’s important not to settle. Or to allow others to treat us in a way that is demeaning. Most importantly though, we must not demean ourselves. I think the important lesson here is this: No one is going to love you more than you love yourself. We teach people how to treat us. When we allow ourselves to settle for less than best…. that’s exactly what we’ll keep getting.

Also, it’s oh so important to watch others actions versus listening to what they tell us. Saying is one thing. Doing is another. And everybody knows that actions speak louder than words. I’ve known a few people, in my time, who are SO eloquent in the words that they use. They come across as smart, confident, and successful. And yet, I trust only a fraction of what they say to me. It’s so interesting. Eye opening, really. At first, I thought I was crazy. Until I watched their interactions with others and I saw the body language at play. For one, I learned that I’m not all that crazy. And, two, I could tell that lip service will only get you so far.

Now, off my soap box and back to the point :( see, still tired!) If you accept whatever comes your way, then that’s precisely what you’ll get. You have to be discerning. It’s like knowing where you want to grow, and where you’re happy to stay the same. It’s boundaries, mostly. It’s knowing yourself. And it applies to everything.

You have to keep top of mind that YOU are a force to reckon with. You are someone to watch. The only person who can really know this is you. Your work, as a person, is to make everything you say and do speak to how awesome you are. No one else can or will do that work for you. I used to think that my sense of self worth could somehow be gifted to me by other people, but the real, cold hard truth is that other people take their cues from you. It all comes from you. Which is why it is essential that YOU know your worth. Not the worth of the person you are going to to be, not the worth of the person you could be, if only. I’m talking about knowing your worth as you are. Right now. Starting on this very day.

“If you’re wearing a disguise for too long, it will be difficult for the mirror to recognize you. At the end of the day I hope you become the person they didn’t expect you to be. Be proud to wear you.” ~Dodinsky

What Katniss Everdeen and I have in common….

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“I feel there are two people inside me — me and my intuition. If I go along against her, she’ll screw me every time, and if I follow her, we get along quite nicely.” - Kim Basinger

I’m going to guess that unless you have been living under a rock that you’ve heard of Katniss Everdeen and The Hunger Games Trilogy. With today being the opening day of the much anticipated movie I thought I’d write about what Katniss Everdeen and I have in common.

First of all, I have to admit that there are lots of things that Katniss and I do not have in common. For one, I don’t like to get my hands dirty. Two, I’m not “outdoorsy” at all. And three, if you dropped me in the woods and I had to survive, I would be totally screwed.

You see, I always felt a little bit “different” growing up because I didn’t have a “thing.” And by “thing,” I mean, something that I was good at. Passionate about, even. For some it’s sports, some music, or art, others dance….but not me. I was never particularly good at any of those things. And when asked what I enjoyed, I never really had an answer that fit into the “norm”; otherwise known as those categories. When I first met my husband (who is good at most of those things) I was reminded of this when he asked me what I was passionate about. He was in his final semester of college pursuing a degree in fine arts and he would spend hours (and still does) tinkering and working away on his latest “thing.” I love that about him. But I’ve always felt a little bit weird about the fact that I don’t have that certain “somethin’” that I’m passionate about. Or even particularity good at.

Then one day as I was reading The Hunger Games series and reflecting on it I was thinking about why the series had become so popular. For me, I think, it’s because I can relate so much with the main character. She has a knack for surviving based upon her instinct and intuition. And finally I realized, that’s it! This is my thing! People. I’m good with people! Allow me to explain further: there is something about me (I really don’t know what!) that makes others open up so freely. It always happens about five minutes into a conversation with a person that they’ll end up sharing something very personal. This happens to me EVERYWHERE. Once, I went to get a massage and the therapist connected with me on the fact that we both had twins and therefore proceeded to tell me her whole life story during my treatment. Now, that was bad timing. For sure. It also happened to me the other day, when I called upon someone for something business related, and she proceeded to tell me about something deeply personal that she is going through. I know what some of you might be thinking….how does people “spilling the beans” to you happen to be a gift? I believe that it allows me to connect with people in a way that is truly meaningful. Aside from just on a superficial level. The relationship, in turn, evolves that much more quickly. This “gift” has always allowed me to get to know others in a way that makes them feel heard. Connected. And we all know the saying “Being listened to is so close to being loved that most people cannot tell the difference.” Katniss truly embodies this gift. She is able to (quickly) connect with her audience on a level that keeps them not only engaged but keeps them rooting for her.

Also, like Katniss, I have mad skills when it comes to feeling people out. My intuition (instincts) never let me down. I don’t know how I developed this ability (ok, I do, but that’s a whole other post, for a time when I’m feeling a little more like being vulnerable) but I can quickly determine whether a person or situation is trustworthy or not. Now, this doesn’t mean that even though my instincts are telling me what I should (or should not) do, that I always listen. I mean, that ” little voice” is just so easy to ignore. Until, often times, it goes from whispering to me to full out SCREAMING. I’m working on getting better at trusting my “gut.” At really listening (not just hearing, there is a difference, you know) before the whisper becomes a scream. In order to do that I often remind myself of the lessons below. I thought I’d share them with you.

1. Learn to listen for your inner voice. The noise of your thoughts and fear often drown out your quiet voice within. Stop, breathe, and see what you can hear.

2. Trust your heart. Go with your gut. Value what you are feeling as well as what you are thinking. The first step toward trusting your heart is acknowledging, and appreciating your conditioned trust in logic. Both qualities are essential and if you tend to rely on logic over heart, focus on building your heart strength. If the opposite is true and you tend to “over think” things, practice going with your gut.

3. Take notice of your beliefs. Our minds are intimately connected to our bodies. In fact, no organ system operates separately from our thoughts and feelings. Studies have shown that an optimistic mindset helps promote wellness and a negative one can impair it. Letting go of defeatist attitudes that you may not even realize you have is crucial.

When you trust your gut in social situations, you’ll become a more likeable and effective communicator. This is because people will know that you understand them. Remember that your gut feeling will not always be right, but more often than not , it will be. It’s so important to trust it. To listen. Also, keep in mind that if you’re not willing to trust yourself, others are going to be less likely to do so either. I’m a firm believer that when you know, and trust yourself, success will follow. I mean, after all, how do you think Katniss survived all those trips to the arena? ;)

Why Are You Here?

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“Let others lead small lives, but not you. Let others argue over small things, but not you. Let others cry over small hurts, but not you. Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands, but not you.” —Jim Rohn

Why am I here? And what am I here to do? I know these are age old questions. But I think about these things a lot. Also, I recently re-read A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose by Eckhart Tolle which got me thinking even further. I wonder how many of us actually know our life purpose? And what would happen if we did?

I truly believe that the farther away we are from knowing these answers, the unhappier (and less successful!) we tend to be. I think not knowing makes us feel restless. We go through life lacking contentment.

That said, if I asked you why you’re here, on this planet, at this time, would you have an answer? Do you know what your life purpose is? Does it guide you?

Here’s a hint: It’s Bigger Than Your Goals!

Your purpose transcends your goals. It goes beyond what you do for a living. It’s the big picture. It answers the question, “What are you here to do?” It’s inspiring, engaging and clear. It creates a feeling of significance. A focus for your life. Identifying your purpose enables you to choose what to give your time, energy, and attention to rather than being sidetracked by distractions.

I think in finding your purpose there are three critical things to start with: knowing who you are, why you’re here, and what you want.

As an added bonus, now that I know what I’m here to do, I’ve learned to say, “no” to things that aren’t aligned with my purpose.

You may be wondering, “How the heck do I get clear about my life purpose? That sounds like a massive undertaking!”

It’s really not as huge as it sounds. Here’s a process for you. 5 Steps to Clarity:

  1. Identify your UDQs. My what?!? I’m talking about your unique, distinctive qualities. Qualities such as curiosity, integrity, commitment. To get these, think about how you’d describe yourself. Or perhaps qualities that others have pointed out to you. If you’re stuck, ask a few friends what they think your distinctive qualities are. As part of a planning process I used for this year, I did this. It was quite interesting to see how others perceived me, and how similar and different they were from my own perceptions.
  2. Consider the impact you’d like to have on the world, and on those you interact with. How will people and the world be better off as a result of your having lived your purpose? Dream about this a little. Or a lot, actually. Imagine it happening as if you are watching a movie.
  3. Make a list of as many action verbs as you can think of. Try each one on. Circle those that get you excited, that speak to you. Then narrow it down to two or three. Examples of action verbs might be such things as build, motivate, educate, defend, discover, communicate, share, produce, work, explore, and improve.
  4. Figure out who you’re here to impact or help. Remember, we’re going for clarity here. Be as specific as possible.
  5. Combine your work in the first four steps into creating a Mission Statement. Play with the words. Combine them in different ways. Write down your purpose, go off and leave it for a while, then come back to it. Is it simple? Clear? Easy to understand? Does it inspire and excite you? Even better, does it give you goosebumps? Remember, this statement can (and should) change. Often times, the more we grow (and the clearer we are) the bigger our vision and therefore mission becomes.

When you have your statement complete, post it where you will see it. Carry it with you. Take it out, look at it, and think about it each day. It will provide you with inner guidance, direction, and focus. And I believe wholeheartedly that it will lead you to everything that will support it. At the very least, it will give you the permission to say, “no” to the things that don’t.

Put Your Blinders On

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“The healthiest competition occurs when average people win by putting above average effort.” Colin Powell

Racehorse trainers use blinders because they believe that blinders keep the horse focused on what is in front of him, encouraging him to pay attention to the race rather than other distractions, such as crowds. Additionally, blinders are commonly seen on driving horses, to keep them from being distracted or spooked, especially on crowded city streets.

In the past, I’ve certainly made the mistake of taking “my blinders off.” I’ve allowed myself to get distracted. I’ve taken my eye off of the prize. And I’ve spent energy on things (and people ) that didn’t deserve it. In the process, though, I’ve learned major lessons. But that’s what growth is right?!? It’s making mistakes and learning from them. Course correcting just as soon as you realize you’re off track.

That said, I’ve learned a few things lately due to what I’ll call “growth experiences.” The outcome has been that I realized I have to “put my blinders on” and stop worrying about what others think. Or what they are doing. Personally, I don’t think it is entirely possible to completely stop caring what people think of us, and I don’t think that is such a bad thing. We are social creatures and this is how we learn. Still, it’s essential not to spend too much energy worrying about other people’s motives or agendas. It is a waste of time. Also, when you compare yourself, it takes energy away from focusing on YOUR dreams. Worst of all, it can make you doubt yourself. And that’s the opposite of what it takes to live confidently. It’s SO important to compare yourself only to your personal best. This will allow you to stay focused.

Below I’m going to show you how I learned to “put my blinders on”, stop comparing myself to others, and how I became genuinely happier in the process.

I learned (and/or re-learned) these tips. Perhaps, they will help you:

Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else. Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be wealthier, but they will never be YOU. Don’t change so people will like you. Be yourself and the right people will love you.

Quit spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you. Never, ever spend time with someone who continuously overlooks your worth. And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst, that make all the difference.

Don’t over think it. – Don’t think too much or you’ll create a problem that wasn’t even there in the first place. Evaluate situations and take decisive action. You cannot change what you refuse to confront. Making progress, trying new things, and growing involves risk. Period! You simply can’t make it to second base with your foot still on first.

Refuse to compete against everyone else. – Don’t worry about what others are doing better than you. Concentrate on beating your own records every day. Success should be a battle between YOU and YOURSELF only.

Do not allow others bring you down to their level. – Refuse to lower your standards to accommodate those who refuse to raise theirs.

Take a break. – The time to take a break is when you don’t have time for it. If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting. Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly.

Quit blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life. Plain and simple. Plus, when you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility, and in the process you give others power over that part of your life.

Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen. Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story. If you wake up each and every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right.

So….how about you? How do you stay focused? Please feel free to share below.

Where’s the joy?

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“Enjoy yourself. It’s later than you think.” ~Chinese Proverb

My Grandma was finally discharged from the hospital yesterday and was moved to a rehab facility. Yay! While I was visiting her at the rehab facility yesterday evening, I met and struck up a conversation with her 93 year old roommate. In a matter of a few hours, I’m pretty sure that I heard (most of) her life story. And, oh my, was it interesting. She told of being born in 1919 in Savannah Georgia and what her life was like. She spoke about driving an 18 wheeler, cross country. She’s only about 4 feet tall! Her husband, at one point, became a trucker to support the family, and she’d ride along with him. When he got too tired to drive, she’d take over. She spoke of the highlights of her life and some of the lows too. I truly loved hearing her story. And I’m pretty sure she loved telling it.

While I was there the nurse would come in and help them with different things and at one point helped with their bathroom business. It was at this point, I started thinking about what losing our independence must feel like.

Then, I started thinking about just how fast life can pass us by, if we’re not careful. Later, as I was leaving, I noticed the twins former pre-school next door to the rehab hospital and thought of how ironic it is, that they are there, next to each other. Beginning of life. And end of life. So very much similarity in them both.

As I was thinking about this, it REALLY hit me, how very short our time here on earth is. If the average life expectancy for Americans is 78.1 years, that means I’ve almost used up half of my time here. That is, if I’m lucky enough to live to be “average.” Wow.

Once this sank in and after hearing how much joy this lady had in her life and how grateful she is to have had it, I realized that I need to live with more joy. I need to really enjoy my time here. I need to move about my day feeling joyful. I mean, overall, in life, I’m incredibly happy with how things are going. I know that I’m incredibly blessed. But can I honestly say that I move through each day with joy? Do I feel joyous on a daily basis?

I have to admit, usually, the answer is, no. Having five children, with three of them still being so dependent on me, I find it SO hard to really appreciate the menial tasks and to be in the present moment with them. There are always so many things to think about, so many worries about the future, about getting everything done. Time feels like the enemy and most days I feel like I’m in a constant battle with it.

For example, while I’m giving them a bath or putting them to bed, often times, my mind is racing into the future, thinking about what I need to do next. I try and enjoy this time, because I know, I’ve already lived through this, and understand that time with them when they are little is fleeting. Soon enough, there will be no more bed time stories, no more “just one more kisses”, no more sweet heads of freshly washed hair that fit just perfectly in the crook of my neck. They DO grow up. Yet, I know all of this, and still, I rush through these moments, wondering how quickly I can get done.

That said, following my experience yesterday, I realized a few things need to change. In order to start living more joyfully, I need to be fully present, focused on the now, on the task at hand. The future will take care of itself.

I’m a huge fan of Dr. Wayne Dyer and I believe he offers some insight here : “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” This made me think of a quote I once read: “Work is love made visible.” I know I need to do today’s work with more love, more joy. This way, when I’m dead tired at the end of each day, and I’ve given all of me that there is to give, I won’t be tired from having worked. I will be tired from having loved.

The question is how do we choose joy? Below are a few tips and ideas I think can help:

  • Whenever possible, say yes to what gives you energy. And no to what drains you. Do what you love to do. Work in your “sweet spot.” Plain and simple. Everything else is worth saying no to.
  • Hang out with other joyful people. And refuse to commiserate. Bad moods are contagious. For example, I’ve noticed that 80% of the Facebook status updates I see lately are negative. People whining and complaining. While I have to be on FB for work, and I throughly enjoy seeing what people I know are up to, I’ve really restricted my usage to what MUST be done and closely monitor who I associate with.
    “The simple but true fact of life is that you become like those with whom you closely associate – for the good and the bad.” – Colin Powell
  • Take 10 minutes for yourself. Carve out time. Make time. You see, I’m pretty good at hiding from my kids. Yes, homework needs to be checked. Dinner needs to be made. Laundry needs to be folded. But these tasks will all seem more do-able (and possibly even enjoyable) if I’m calm and have a clear mind. Sometimes, at our house, we even make a game of it. It’s called “Mama’s hiding again.” But half of the time they never even notice I’m gone. And although there is usually a disaster to tend to when I re-appear, at least, I have a clear head and renewed energy upon which to focus on it. So, set a timer if you have to, and do whatever you want for 10 minutes. Read a book. Listen to music. Meditate. Hide in the closet with a glass of wine. Or ice cream. Not that I would know anything about that, though….
  • Use Affirmations. Pick a mantra–and repeat it. My mantra is “Lead with your heart, and the rest of you will follow.” Positive affirmations can help you stay focused when you’re stressed. They can bring you back to the present, help you see the good and feel joyful. The wine and/or ice cream really helps too.
  • Notice something new – Anything. Just notice – and appreciate – something you didn’t notice before.

I hope you can find joy in today. I don’t mean to wait until tomorrow. Or the next day. Because, surely, it will be better. I mean, find it today, this day. After all, it’s all we’re really guaranteed.

The only other thing I would like to add is to really take stock of where you are. Are you doing what you love? Are you spending time with those that you truly want to be with? Is your focus on what it should be on? Are you choosing joy?

Stop Thinking. Start Doing.

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How often do you think about or obsess over doing something instead of just doing it? Or at the very least get started on the task at hand. Sometimes, I think, we forget that there is a HUGE difference in contemplating something and actually doing it. There have been periods in my life, that I’ve been SO guilty of doing this. Don’t get me wrong, thinking things through, having a plan, and utilizing it, is a very good thing. But I used to take the thinking and planning part further than was really reasonable. I’d over think and let fear, or lack of knowledge, paralyze me. I’d think something to death, research something to death, plan something to death, before I’d actually take action. Sometimes, the process would go on for so long, I’d just lose interest in the project.

In the past, I used the “thinking strategy” in regards to the book I’m working on. I also used it with the things on my to do list. Instead, of taking action, I’d spend my time thinking (and worrying) about doing so. I’d use so much energy contemplating doing something, instead of on actually doing it.  I came to a point where I realized that the amount of energy I spent and wasted, thinking, was energy that I could’ve used, if I’d just taken action. I realized that if I’d just take the first step and get started it would get me a lot further than just thinking about it. I also had to stop making excuses for myself. Excuses like “Well, I’ll just wait until the twins start school.” Or  ”I’ll wait until we’re not so busy.” Now I understand that there is NEVER going to be THE perfect time.  Yes, as my kids get older, life will get easier, in some ways. But why wait? Why put my dreams on hold, until? Until this or until that. I had to take the word until out of my vocabulary.

That said, I’ve gotten a lot better. For example, I realized that the sooner I write this blog post, the sooner I can stop obsessing thinking about writing this blog post. The sooner I finish writing my  book, the sooner I can stop thinking about having to make progress on writing my book.

“Say What You Need To Say”…Thoughts From The ICU. Part 2.

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“Love is everything it’s cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for.” Erica Jong

Another day here in the ICU means that yes, I’m so tired, I can only think in song lyrics. John Mayer’s song “Say What You Need To Say” inspired today’s post. Watch my first ever vlog to hear my thoughts on “saying what you need to say” and then check out my favorite verse below. I apologize in advance, you’ll need to crank up the volume (they prefer quiet voices around here), the lighting could definitely use some improvement, and the talent some make up sleep. Next time….

Untitled from Britney King on Vimeo.

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You’d better know that in the end
It’s better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

Say what you need to say

P.S. I am so beyond grateful for each and every one of you who read here. I am most especially grateful for the calls, texts and offers of help. I feel incredibly blessed to be surrounded by the very best of peeps. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

A Living Legacy

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“The only thing you take with you when you’re gone is what you leave behind.” - John Allston

This past weekend I attended a memorial service for a great man. What is interesting is that while I didn’t know him well, I actually felt as though I really knew him, based upon his legacy. What I mean is, what he built while he was here and what he left behind, now that he is gone. Most of us tend to think of a legacy as something that we leave behind when we’re gone. What I’ve come to realize though, is that our legacy is built well before we die. It’s what we do while we’re here. What kind of difference we make. Who we help. How far our arms reach. That said, that’s exactly what I meant when I mentioned knowing him based upon his legacy. Working for the company he built were a few of the best years of my life, thus far. What I wrote on my FB status update pretty much sums it up: “Celebrating the life of a great man, a pioneer in Austin Real Estate Dev, a man who cared a great deal about others and whose company taught me the very essence of what it really means to work hard/play hard.”  

His memorial service was beautiful. It was amazing to see how one man had managed to touch and make a difference in so many lives. There was a particular story that really got me. It was the story told by a pastor from Mexico. He and his family now live in San Antonio but he explained how back when he first started his church (in Mexico) many many years ago, Mr. Coleman sent him a check for $35. This man never forgot this. What got me (and makes me teary now) is that I get that it wasn’t so much about the money as it was about the gift the man really got by receiving the check. It was the knowledge that someone believed in him. Disguised as $35. I immediately thought of the Maya Angelou quote “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” 

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about my “legacy.” What is it that I want to leave behind? And in knowing what that is, how do I work each day to make it a reality? This is hard. You see, none of us really want to think about death. But the truth is, and what slapped me upside the head today, was the finality of life. We are all living on borrowed time. Tomorrow is not a promise, but a gift. The only real question is how we are going to spend the time we have left. What is truly important?

After thinking about it for quite sometime I realized what it means (for me) to live life full out. To work hard and play hard. I decided to start by making a list of things that are important to me. My intention was just to write a short list to add to my vision board. Interestingly, what came to me was in prayer form:

“Lord, grant me the courage to be vulnerable. Give me the wisdom to understand how my actions affect others. Grant me the ability to see that each of us really are not all that different. Encourage me to give with a willing heart. Let me be the reason for someone else’s happiness. Give me patience. Help me to understand that I don’t need all the answers. Allow me the willingness to be told and to tell the truth. Most of all, make me slow to judge. Quick to forgive. And easy to love. Amen.”

I encourage you to come up with a list that matters to you. What do you want to do with the time you’ve been given? How can you live life to the full? Ask yourself, what legacy am I leaving today? Don’t wait. There’s no better time than NOW.

“The purpose of life is a life of purpose.”  -Robert Byrne

Beginnings.

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“I didn’t see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.” – Steve Jobs

You’ll probably see many Steve Jobs quotes around here. I really admire him. Many people say that he was cut-throat and horrible to work with. That I’m not sure of (would’ve loved to have found out) but I also see a huge visionary, someone who paved the way, and left behind an amazing legacy. I love that he was so passionate about and in love with the work he did. I truly believe that is what made Apple products so amazing. He and the Apple team were consistently learning. Of course, he made mistakes, but he was willing to admit as much. I particulartly love what he says above about being a beginner again. About being less sure of everything. You see, we were all born knowing very little. And over our lifetime, we accumulate skills, knowledge, abilities, and expertise. What I often wonder though is why some of us keep learning while others stop at a certain point?

Those that stop get to the point that they don’t want to look foolish, they don’t want to appear as though they don’t have their act together, so they stop trying new things. They’re afraid to reach out and ask for help. So they get left behind.

In today’s world, things are moving way too fast to stay where we are. We must be open to new ideas, new experiences, new learning opportunities. We must be willing to evolve, reinvent, and redefine ourselves.

And sometimes this means being a beginner. Starting from scratch. It means not having it all together. It means being willing to make mistakes, to learn from them, and to grow.

It means reading books, going to classes, seeking coaching, attending events and trying new things. It means getting really comfortable with being uncomfortable.

I wouldn’t tell you to do something I’m not doing myself. In the last couple of months, I’ve read an obscene number of books (Steve’s Bio being one of them), started this blog, launched Austin Women’s Network (just a tad scary), went from working part-time at NetworkInAustin.com to putting in full time hours, and in the process learning a TON. I’m going to be honest, it’s scary, admitting that you don’t know certain things, that you’re navigating uncharted territory and that you don’t have it all together. It can be terrifying to admit that you’re a newbie, a beginner. In the business realm, you can quickly get eaten alive by doing this. Especially, if you align yourself with the wrong people. That said, most people are amazing. They’re willing to help and guide you. All you have to do is ask. But here is the most important part, make sure you seek out the right people. Always, ask, ask, and ask again, before you are willing to trust someone with something important. What I mean is, ask for referrals. If the same persons name keeps coming up, chances are, you are on to something. It’s important to truly vet the person and make sure they are trusted and respected in the particular area they are advising you on.

I challenge you to make a commitment to learn something new in the next 60 days. Be brave. Try something you’ve wanted to try. Be a beginner. It’s ok! Do it. I promise, it’ll open up your world.

“Whatever you do or dream you can do – begin it. Boldness has genius and power and magic in it.” -Johann Wolfgang von Goethe