“There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. And rarely do people do things because of you anyway. They do things because of them. So even when it seems personal, it probably isn’t. Remember this. And when you find yourself feeling angry, heartbroken, or victimized by the actions of another, see if you can you find within you any seed of softness, some place deep within that understands how much pain that person must be in, how burdened their soul must be, how devastatingly hardened they must be in their heart in order to behave in a way that is surely out of alignment with their own integrity.” – Marc and Angel, Hack Life
First off, I want to let you all know that Around The Bend will not be published on 10/14/14 as was planned, due to a culmination of unforeseen circumstances.
Right now, I don’t have a pub date in mind because I’ve decided to take a mini-sabbatical from the business side of things. To regroup. To figure out my next move.
Mostly, I’m taking some time off to fall apart a little and to put myself back together. Lots of what is happening personally, I can’t share here, but as for what I can, I will.
I’m still working on the book, still writing–just on a timeline that makes more sense for me right now.
As for what I can share: Lately, I’m just missing several people in my life. From my oldest who left for college to family that I spent the last decade (and then some) caring for, who are no longer around, well…lets just say I’ve found that it has left a bigger void than I might’ve thought and I’m feeling their absence more so than usual these days.
I guess, when you care for someone who is ill and/or who needs you…that becomes a part of your identity. It becomes who you are and then when those people move on–whether it’s ultimately because of a good thing, like college for example, or not so good, like death–it leaves a bit of a hole and thus perhaps requires a little finagling to figure out where you belong in the world.
This in and of itself would be easier to take if it weren’t combined with other not so good things occurring and a whole lot of pressure, some of it admittedly self imposed.
Which is why I feel it’s important to call a time out. And in this time out I have a few things planned to get me reacquainted with the girl I used to know– the one who was pretty sure of herself, and where she was going.
My grandmother spent a lot of time in and out of rehab hospitals in the final five years of her life and my grandfather spent lots of time hooked up to a dialysis machine. One of the things I noticed during this time and found myself unsatisfied with was how we treat the elderly in this country. I would often meet people who had no one, no visitors, no advocates, no one making sure that they were receiving adequate care. I’m not judging here because I will be the first to say that it is very very hard to watch someone you love wither away and eventually lose the battle. It’s a constant reminder of what is important and what is less so. It’s a tug of war with being the person you want to be (free) and the one you need to be–and sticking to the job at hand. Hard is definitely not a good enough adjective to do it justice.
That said, I made a lot of older and wiser friends over the years. People who were just happy to have someone sit with them for a bit and care about their lives, where they’d come from, and where they’d been. Because there wasn’t much denying where they were going. We all got that.
I learned a lot during that time about life and love and…people.
These days, I feel like maybe it’s time for a refresher and spending some time at the rehab hospital where my grandma spent so much of her final years is on the agenda.
But I’d be lying if I said that my volunteering to sit with the elderly is completely unselfish.
Old people, like children, are so pure, so wise, and so loving. There’s no bullshit. There simply isn’t time for it.
Which, for me, means there’s a lot to be learned there.
It’s pretty much like free therapy. ;)
P.S. What I’m writing to this week:
Thanks Brandy, for sending this. Sometimes you introduce someone to something and they introduce you right back. <3
And an oldie but a goodie.