The Saddest Thing Ever.

 “There are all kinds of ways for a relationship to be tested, even broken, some, irrevocably; it’s the endings we’re unprepared for.” ― Katherine OwenNot To Us

WARNING: This post is on the topic of cheating. And other things that piss readers off. 😁

Two nights ago, I came across an article on social media titled: The Night I Gave My Husband A Free Pass — which of course was perfect click-bait material for a married female and thus I ended up reading the piece and then promptly found myself falling down the rabbit hole that was the comments and…it DEVASTATED me.

I mean you would have thought that I inserted myself into the reality of someone else’s life and was in fact living it. That’s how devastated I was. :)

As a writer, I guess that’s sort of the way the job works…one seeks to understand.

But honestly, I was kind shocked (and it takes a lot these days) that so many people had commented agreeing with the author that they too were in her position (pun unintended ) and wanted nothing less than to be intimate with their partner. 

That said, the article got me thinking as…once upon a time I wrote a book about a woman who had an affair and explored whether a “free pass” is ever OK. And then I was reamed for it by many readers. They HATED the character I created. It mattered not that her husband may or may not have also been unfaithful. The fact that she was a wife and mother and behaved in such a manner seemed (even in 2013) absurd and almost unspeakable. And I guess, I get it….cheating in books is often a line drawn in the sand for many readers. It’s a hot button topic, one that can be painful. But to say that I saw that kind of criticism coming though would be a lie.

In any case, it was a real experience for growth on my part in regard to what I allow to bother me. Meaning that almost always unconstructive criticism is not about the receiver at all. But that’s a story for another time.

Still, I felt that infidelity and its aftermath was a topic worth exploring in fiction— which is in large part how one book ended up becoming a trilogy. And on the flip side of the hate mail I received I also heard from people from all over who wrote to me to tell me of their own experiences with infidelity. Due to the shame surrounding it (from both the cheater and the cheated) I think that many of them were looking for a safe place to share their story and I was glad for it. That alone has made all of the (mean-spirited) criticism (mostly;) worth it. To be able to bear witness to both sides of the coin has afforded me greater perspective on what it takes to maintain a relationship and the importance of doing so.

I also learned (and it’s just my opinion) that the fear of infidelity is secondary only to that of death.

Neither of which we understand very much about—I might add.

So while I am NOT in any way, shape, or form saying I condone cheating, dishonesty, or betrayal I am hopeful that by discussing the topic— in a constructive manner it will bring about some small form of change.

And I do believe that creating an open dialogue particularly within relationships about the importance of intimacy— of meeting each other’s needs and understanding what those needs are— and how they may evolve or differ over time might bring about change that prevents betrayal and infidelity from occurring in the first place.

Lastly, full disclosure, I’m certainly no expert on the subject matter. But I did do a hefty amount of research (as I’m currently finishing the last book in the series) into sex workers and being a Dominatrix by trade and I will say that in my experience unmet needs and the feeling that one cannot be honest with their partner about said needs is often times what leads clients to seek services. Whether that is right or wrong—is not something I care to judge or discuss. It is what it is. My job was simply to tell the story as honestly as I could. 

Undoubtedly some will say that what I’ve written above takes the blame off of the betrayer. That’s not my intention.

People that hurt those they love clearly have issues that need to be addressed. And more importantly they should have been honest. I’m not debating that.

But the truth is no one wants to believe that betrayal will occur in their relationship.

Until it does.

And then have to access where the blame for the breakdown in the relationship lies— beyond the indiscretion—and rarely is it pretty.

If that breakdown can be avoided I merely suggesting that we discuss how so.

I’m just the messenger.

Please don’t shoot. :)

P.S. If you’re interested in the topic, this video is certainly FOOD FOR THOUGHT:

Out of Pocket.


“How did it get so late so soon?” ― Dr. Seuss

We’re still smack dab in the middle of a remodel here…and I just want to say…

If I owe you a phone call or an email or a blog post…or some other form of communication…I’m sorry.

Let me explain: Have you ever seen that show Extreme Home Makeover… where things just magically happen, and voilà they’re done, and everything looks so nice?

Well, here it is NOTHING like that. ;)

Also, everything, everything, EVERYTHING that can go wrong…will go wrong…

I think there’s even a law about it somewhere. ;)

But I can’t complain—as this was at least 45-60% my idea. One can’t be sure anymore. :)

The moral of the story is this—

If you’re writing a book…budget in more time.

If you’re remodeling a house…budget in more time.

In other words, for pretty much everything…BUDGET MORE TIME.

Oh and speaking of writing a book…we have a firm release date AND it’s up for pre-order this week. 

Lastly, a little something from the book…

But first—just to clarify, I’m really not complaining. These projects have been a ton of fun and I’ve learned so much in the process. The equivalent of a bajillion life lessons…let’s just put it that way. ;)

Out of Pocket.

Your love was a currency
I never could afford
Yet I would have given everything—
Emptied out the whole of me.
Just to have a little for myself.
That’s the way you wanted it
And I gladly paid the price.


On what she taught me…

“If you’re going to love someone or something then don’t be a slow leaking faucet—-be a hurricane.” 
― Shannon L. Alder

Today the woman who taught me what it means to be a mother would’ve turned 85.

She taught me about showing up—and how to hang in there when things got hard. Especially when things got hard.

She taught me what being tough looks like and what it means to love fiercely. 

She was my biggest cheerleader and at times toughest critic. Now, I realize the significance of that…

And I am grateful. 

**In this photo I was breaking her out of a “nursing home” after she’d had to learn to walk—yet again. It was a happy day.


Domesticated Madness & Where Stories Come From…

“When you make music or write or create, it’s really your job to have mind-blowing, irresponsible, condomless sex with whatever idea it is you’re writing about at the time. ” ― Lady Gaga 


The other day after reading some of my work of a friend called to ask how it’s possible that I seem so normal and yet walk around with this kind of stuff in my head.

I have no idea, I said.

On the same note, my husband and I have spent many a late nights (and early mornings) lately working side by side on our respective projects. One night we had been having fairly normal conversations up until he beta read one of my chapters.

I watched his face as he read, waiting impatiently. And it is as Stephen King says, writers are a needy bunch.

Finally he looked over at me, and asked “Where does this come from?”

And while it was admittedly some of my darker and more messed up writing he was referring to I simply grinned and asked what he meant.

“I mean where do your stories come from?”

I have no idea, I told him.

But it turns out…Jason Silva does. ;)

From the inside out.

“If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.” 

I’m actually not quite sure which way is up or down but somehow it’s Friday again, and I realized I hadn’t written here…

My deadline is quickly closing in, we’re in the middle (God I hope;) of a remodel, the school year is winding down… and life here is deliciously nuts. 

That’s all I’ve got….

Aside from more from the upcoming book. :) 
From The Inside Out.

I wanted to tell you everything.
More than you knew
But I couldn’t…
So I ate the words—
too raw to speak. 
Only the joke was on me.
Who knew? 
They would eat me alive,
from the inside out.

I remember…that’s how you know. 

“Her heart was a secret garden and the walls were very high.” ― William GoldmanThe Princess Bride

More from a certain book this week...
That’s how you know. 

I remember it so clearly.

That night. 

With stars in your eyes

I remember.

The sound of your voice  

and the way it shook 

ever so slightly

as the words slipped off your tongue. 

“I’m nervous,” you whispered.

As I watched the moonlight dance across your skin. 

I remember.

That I knew I loved you then. 

I didn’t say so—

I simply smiled and said, 

“That’s how you know it matters.” 

And it was enough.

You sighed

looked up at the sky

then back at me. 

I knew the stars would keep our secrets. 

And they have. 



Birthdays, Anniversaries & THANK YOU.

“Just play. Have fun. Enjoy the game.” —Michael Jordan

First off, thank you guys for making the past two years pretty kick ass.

Dear God…I hate the new iMovie editing layout—not to mention I have no idea why small bits of audio are missing…but more importantly there’s the fact that I’m on deadline and shouldn’t even be worried about video to begin with. Story of my life. 😉

Anyway, I forced myself to work with what I’ve got even though the whole time I swore (literally too) that I’m Elancing the heck out of the next video. 😉

THEN, this came my way and granted it was the 80’s—Oprah gives me HOPE. :))

P.S. For a limited time, to celebrate its first birthday I’m giving away copies of Somewhere With You. And if my kids don’t stop shape up, they may be next. 😉 Kidding… Just kidding. 😏


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